A man wants to go fishing with his friends but his
wife wouldn’t let him. The next week when the other
two guys show up at the fishing site, there he sits
with a beer and fire started. They asked, how did you
talk her into letting you go? Well, I went home after work,
sat in my chair and started drowning my sorrows with a beer.
Soon she came up behind me, put her hands over my eyes and
said guess what? So I moved her hands and she walked in front
of me with a see through black negligee on. She said come into
the bedroom with me, you can undress me, tie me up, and do
anything you want. So, here I am.
Hahahaha
A husband asks his wife, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?” “After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”
“If I died and you remarried,” the husband asks, “would he live in this house?” “We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would.”
“If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house,” the husband asks, “would he sleep in our bed?” “Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It’s going to last a long time, so I guess he would.”
“If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?” “Oh, no!” the wife replies. “He’s left-handed!”
A mathematician showed up to a party, to the surprise of the host. “Oh, you’re very early! I thought I told you the party starts at a quarter of eight?”
The mathematician replied,
“Yes, and it’s two.”
A robber walks into a bank and asks the teller for 100 million dollars in Monopoly money. Puzzled, the teller asks why Monopoly money ?
The robber responds “ I always wanted to buy a Hotel on Park Place “ 
A dying husband in a hospital bed asks his wife, "Our 8th child always looked different from the other 7, did he have a different father?’
The wife, crying uncontrollably, admits, “Yes.”
The husband asks, “Who’s child is he?”
The wife says, "Yours.’
An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly an Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: “Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!”
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: “Well, how was that?”
The Airbus pilot answers: “Very impressive, but watch this!”
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, “What did you do?”
The Airbus pilot laughs and says: “I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.”
The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.
Dedicated to all my senior friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.
Teacher: Little Johnny, Be honest. do you say your prayers every night before dinner?
Johnny Replied: No Miss, My Mother is a good cook.
A park ranger warned some campers, “Never get on the bad side of a bear.”
One of them asked, “Which side is the bad side?”
The ranger responded,
“The inside.”
@Craig…Ryan… Johnny comes home and says, I am not going back to school again.
Mom says, Why not?
Johnny: The Teacher doesn’t know any thing. All she does is ask questions.
Little Johnny went up to his Teacher and says. Miss, Can I go to the toilet?
The Teacher then said only if you can say the alphabet, then you can go.
Johnny said ok… ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
Teacher says, well done but where is the P?
Johnny says, half way down my leg.
Sue 13 one time both my parents told me I was a bad decision 
Never!!! I am glad you are here♥
I just realized it’s been years since I did the Hokey Pokey.
I guess I forgot what it’s all about.