Q: How do you keep an idiot in suspense??
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.
.
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.
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…
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A: I’ll give you the answer tomorrow.
5 Likes
What do you call it when a car writes its life story?
An auto-biography.
5 Likes
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year,
so I’m dressing up as phone battery at 2%.
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I think it might be an auto autobiography. 
1 Like
How do you get a moron out of a tree?
Wave at him.
3 Likes
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot:
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
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little johnny comes running into the house and asked,
“mommy can little girls have babies?”
no said his mom, of course not.
little johnny then runs back outside and his mom hears him yell to his friends.
"it’s okay. we can play that game.
6 Likes
Where do whales go to hear music?
The Orca-stra.
3 Likes
Why did the buzzard win a award? Cause he was out standing in his field chillin 
3 Likes
A woman just back from a weekend fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor.
“I did everything all wrong,” she said.
“I talked too loud, I used the wrong bait,
I reeled in too soon, and I caught more fish than he did.”
2 Likes
What is a city, a vacuum, and a saying?
Eureka
1 Like
3 Likes
Ryan Time:
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
What do you call a wolf who got lost?
A where wolf.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later
3 Likes
Ryan’s going to love them. Thank you Sue!
2 Likes
I was at the bus stop this morning and an elderly lady said to me, “Isn’t it cold today”…?
So I said, “Yes, winter draws on”…
She replied, “Mind your own business young man”…
1 Like
Want to know my password for everything?
Okay, it’s
HermioneThorDoryGandalfPika chuPalpatine.
1 know it’s long, but it had to be at least six characters. 
2 Likes
Mine is: GrumpyDopeySleepyDocHappyHornySnowWhite
2 Likes
LifeIsLikeABoxOfChocolates13
Always my lucky #.
1 Like
I must have watched a different version of SnowWhite.
4 Likes