Big holes in Australia…
How do you know an Elephant has been in your fridge…
It leaves foot prints in your butter
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If you get Referees in football, touch judges in Rugby, Umpires in Cricket what do you get in Bowls?..
Goldfish
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Johnny got home from school, and his Dad asked where his report card was.
Johnny said, I don’t have it. His furious Dad said Why Not? Johnny said he
lent it to a friend so he could scare his parents.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay they’d be bagels.
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There was an old couple who hadn’t celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string.
When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, “You can’t go out like that!”
“I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!”
The man agreed and went into his room.
Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, “You’re going out as that?”
“Yes,” said the old man. “If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator.”
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Hahahahahaha, good one 
Thank You, ran out of likes so have to wait until tomorrow 
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A man went to the doctor and said, “Doc, I broke my arm in 12 places.”
The doctor replied, “Well, stop going to those places then.”
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
“Stop holding your breath!”
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Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye. After several days of this, the teacher got worried and asked him about it. Johnny said our house is very small, so Mom, Dad, and me all sleep in the same bed. Every night my Dad asks, Johnny, are you sleeping? Then I say no and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye. So the teacher says, tonight, when your Dad ask again, keep dead quiet, don’t say a word. The following morning Johnny comes to school with no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after Johnny comes in with a massive black eye again. My goodness Johnny, What happened? Johnny explains, Dad asked again, are you sleeping, and I shut up and kept very still. Then my Mom and Dad started moving, you know, at the same time. Mom was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place. Then my Dad asked my Mom if she was coming? Then Mom says yes I am coming, are you coming too? And my Dad answered yes, I’m coming. Well, they don’t usually go anywhere without me, so I said, Wait for me.
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I won an arguement with my wife today. The doctor said the swelling around my eyes will go away in a couple of days.
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Why did Arwen and Aragorn pick Frodo to be the ring bearer at their wedding?
Force of Hobbit.
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Which one of King Arthur’s knights built the round table?
Sir Cumference.
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I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
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…and tennement halls… 
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