1 Like
A drunken bum walks up to a priest and asks, “Where in Hell do I know you from?” The priest says, “I’m not sure…What part of Hell are you from?”
‘Impotence’ is Gods way of saying, “No Hard Feelings.”
Definition of ‘Mixed Emotions’ - When your mother in law drives off a cliff in your new BMW.
“My daughter is so loose people started calling her Federal Express.” Why is that you ask? " Everytime she goes over to a guys apartment she absolutely positively has to be there overnight!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The two foreign noblemen approached the king on his throne. One was dressed in magnificent robes with gold accessories, the other was in military garb with a finely meshed steel jupon.
The king leaned towards his trusted adviser. “Which is which?”, he enquired.
The adviser replied, “The Swiss - er - Count is finely clothed and the Czech is in the mail.”
Someone poked a shotgun in my kitchen window this morning and shot my cornflakes off the table. Apparently, the same thing happened a few blocks over.
The cops think it’s a cereal killer.
2 Likes
Joe and Anne Hill were newlyweds who had decided to travel into some of the more mysterious regions of Europe on their honeymoon.
They rented a car, but, unfortunately, the car had poor tires and on a sharp curve Joe swerved and ran into a tree by the side of the road.
After a while, Joe regained consciousness and looked at his wife. there was no question but that Anne was injured.
Somehow, Joe pulled Anne out of the rented car and looked around.
Unbelievably, he saw that he and Anne were just a walk away from a strange-looking mansion with a distinctive tower.
Joe managed to revive Anne and together they staggered their way to the impassive door of the mansion.
Their pounding on the door produced a strange figure of a man. He was small, hunchbacked and shuffled rather than walked. “Yes?”
“My wife and I have been in a car accident. We would appreciate your help.”
“Please come in. i will call my master, the doctor, to help you.”
It so happened that Igor’s master was an amateur scientist working on a particular regenerative formula.
Without delay, he took his guests to his laboratory and hooked them up to his formula.
Unfortunately, the dials on his machine indicated that the system was failing.
Saddened, he retired to the tower where he began to play the organ he had installed there.
Suddenly, he was interrupted by Igor!
Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
These are original works from the comic vault of The Anhaga.
Went to a zoo the other day. The only exhibit they had was a dog in a cage. It was a shih tzu.
4 Likes
Twas in a cafe they first met
Romeo and Juliette
Romeo had no money to pay the debt
so Rome-owed for what Julie-et
4 Likes
You can lead a horse to water, but a Donkey will follow you all the way to the River.
6 Likes
The 3 fastest ways to spread a rumour
- telephone
- television
- tellawoman
3 Likes
so a guy goes to a poker tournament with a duck on his head. the dealer says, “You can’t bring pets in here while we have an event going on.” the duck says, "then please get this guy off of my butt so I can play poker?
3 Likes
Now, THAT’S a poker joke.
5 Likes
I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down
3 Likes
If you are a person who works in repossession services, what you seize is what you get.
1 Like
it’s hard to retire from the the tire business.
2 Likes
I came home from the pub four hours late last night. “Where have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack your bags and go!”
“So can you,” I said. “This isn’t our house anymore.”
10 Likes
1 Like
A guy was playing 10-20 holdem and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechaun. “Quit playing poker forever right now and I’ll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars.”, said the little fellow. The player replied, “Let me get even first.”
9 Likes
Totally the essence of poker!
1 Like
Brilliant. Wonder if the result would have been different if they had taken a turn and ended up in Nacadoches.