Joke of the week

These five players were randomly selected…

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“I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.'”

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A blonde boards a flight in New York bound for London, England. She takes a seat in First Class. This is not her seat. A flight attendant points out the error; to which she responds “No, I baught a ticket for London, I’m going to London!” Another flight attendant informs her that if she doesn’t move she will be forced to call the Captain. Again, “I bought a ticket to London, Im going to London!” The Captain comes out and in no uncertain terms informs her that if she doesn’t immediately move officers will remove her from the plane and she will NOT BE GOING TO LONDON!!! Again, she protests. Captain says to the crew that its over, she’s gone. A blonde flight attendant intervenes at the last moment and tells the Captain that she thinks she can fix it without force. Captain says OK, but last chance. The blonde flight attendant leans over and whispers something in the woman’s ear. Immediately she gets up and moves saying “oh! I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that.” The Captain said that’s amazing. What did you tell her! I told her First Class doesn’t go to London.

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Some really short jokes:

  1. Poker is a sport.
  2. Poker is not gambling.
  3. Poker is 90% skill and 10% luck.
  4. Poker is not about total randomness and senselessness - it is about abstract mathematical science and solving challenging theory of relativity puzzles.
  5. Poker builds character.
  6. You can make a living out of poker.
  7. Playing poker is badass.
  8. Making poker your fulltime employment means that you have achieved independency from the stereotypical way of life.
  9. Poker is art. (Maybe the funniest of all.)
  10. Poker can teach you to be patient.
  11. Poker can be a form of meditation.
  12. Dan Bilzerian is a professional poker player.
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LOL !!! man I love this one !!

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A buddy who likes to ice fish worries that a Polar bear might sneak-up and attack him. I told him the solution to that problem was real easy. Cut a hole in the ice where you wish to fish, put a row of peas around the hole. Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole…:joy:

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you forgot the funniest one of all:
13: a guy that pretends to hate poker, is actually playing on a poker site that’s purely meant for people that like playing poker :wink:

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And:
14. Poker strategy: I really have to go, so I’ll keep shoving all in preflop, unless I win then I don’t have to go anymore.

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when does a moth fly in a straight line?

When he farts

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I was addicted to soap.

I’m clean now.

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If we tell people that the brain is an app, maybe they will start to use it

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How much will you charge me for the brain app? :slight_smile:

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How much have you got?

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Typical answer from a female Kate lmao :slight_smile:

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@doll46
well, in actual fact Karen was going to advertise for a loving partner with house, car and pension plan. Please send photograph of house, car and pension plan, no need to send photograph of yourself :slight_smile:

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@grapevine: I had a nickle but I gave it to Lucy for advice. :slight_smile:

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LMAO That was funny, if you find someone with all of the above let me know, not sure there is such a man hahaha kidding !

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A guy comes home carrying a sheep under his arm. He says, “Honey, this is the pig I’ve been sleeping with.”

His wife says, “You disgusting idiot, that’s a sheep, not a pig!”

The guy says, “I wasn’t talking to you.”

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Can we keep it non political and inoffensive, and stick to the subject please?

On a lighter note:

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

5 Likes