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Why did the clock get kicked out of the library?
It tocked too much.
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Yeah - too much tocking is a sure way to “tick” the librarian off.
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And then before you know it everyone is “ Tic Tocking “ 
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
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Someone knocked over Michelangelo’s David.
Now he’s got a chip on his shoulder.
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Poor Karen
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Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last
thing they do is put their cat out.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walks out of the house, the cat scoots back in.
Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house
would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, ‘My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.’
Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, ‘Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!’
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I didn’t see you in church last Sunday, Perkins. I hear you were out
playing football instead.
‘That’s not true, Vicar. And I’ve got the fish to prove it.’
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Mother in laws
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LOL too funny re: Mother in law 
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