@Craig_Anthony
For Ryan:
You: Teacher
Teacher: Yes
You: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not
You: I didn’t do my homework
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I’m at the age where an “all nighter” just means
that I didn’t have to get up to pee.
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I hear that 
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When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn’t even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, ‘Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn’t enjoy it.’
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn’t sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn’t sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead bugger had a twin.
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An exterminator went out on a call, and found their customer standing in the middle of a field.
“What’s up?” asked the Exterminator.
“I’ve got two problems,” said the customer, “first, I have termites.” “OK. Where’s your house?” asked the Exterminator.
"That’s my second problem “
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I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.”
So we stopped playing chess.
.
My ex was mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
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Oh thank God!!
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Little Johnny’s Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms,” said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass.
It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
“Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”
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What’s the difference between “incomplete” and “finished”??
– A man without a wife feels incomplete. Once married, he’s finished.
Which one of your kids will never grow up and move out of the house?
– Your husband.
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“Hey, bug on my back”, asked a fly.
“Are you a mite?” “I mite be,” giggled the mite.
The fly groaned. “That’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard!” “Well, what do you expect?” said the mite.
“I came up with it on the fly.”
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3 posts were merged into an existing topic: The Totally Topic-less Anything Except Complaining Thread
l asked my new friend to meet me at the gym, but they never showed up.
I quess the two of us aren’t
going to work out.
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A genie tells a man, “I shall grant you 3 wishes.”
The man says, “I wish for a world without lawyers.”
The genie says, “Done. You have no more wishes.” The man protests,“Wait! You said 3!”
The genie replies, “Oh yeah? Sue me.”
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I had more fun being 20 in the 70s than I’m having being 70 in the 20s.
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To the person who stole my glasses:
I will find you. I have contacts.
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!”
The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
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