Part 1: The Background
I had a hand the other day that will convince even the most diehard of skeptics that what I have been drolling on about for the last three years is actually 100% true and correct, and that, yes, Replay actually has hired a team of programmers to alter the code specifically to degrade my mental health, and the simple fact that I can’t even begin to articulate a valid reason why they would do such a thing in no way diminishes the fact that this is apparently exactly what they are doing, and even though I know, at least on some level, that extremely long, rambling, run-on sentences are not only visually unappealing, but that few people bother to read such things, I am entitled to choose my own style of prose, and besides, I have heard rumors about an upcoming tax on periods but no tax on commas, so I like to make full use of commas instead of risking undue taxation should this legislation be deemed to be retroactive.
Unfortunately, Replay has started using subliminal post-hypnotic suggestions by flashing, “You WILL Forget” on my screen so quickly that it has been impossible to record, even when I screen capture it as video and analyze it frame-by-frame, a technique no doubt borrowed from the CIA, who is obviously in on the whole plot to make me a crazy person, so I naturally forgot to record the hand number, even though the hand replay would have been altered to show something other than the hand as played, because the forces arrayed against me are devious to an almost unfathomable extent and the bulk of Replay’s resources have been dedicated to this task, for reasons I, or anyone else, simply can’t explain.
Luckily, my mind, being far sharper than most, remembers enough of the details to make such formalities such as hand replays unnecessary, and besides, there is some small chance that this hand never actually happened, but that it was a hypnotic suggestion implanted into my brain for the sole reason that it would discredit me, which, of course, assumes that I had credit to begin with, but that’s an uncomfortable fact that I would rather gloss over than face anyway, and this is my right under the Delusional Doctrine of 1996, so let’s just get on with the hand, OK?
We were playing 4 handed at a 6-max 100/200 table, the other 2 seats being vacated after their occupants had bad beat me for 2 full buy-ins each, then fled in terror, knowing that they had raised my ire and that I would be coming down on them like a small, irritating lap dog going after a beetle 1/1000th its size, and believe you me buddy, beetles in that position know full well the meaning of the word terror, but naturally, I was a bit tilted, or even more tilted than usual, at any rate, so it’s possible that I played this hand a little sub-optimally.
Unfortunately, all this typing has worn my fingertips down to bloody nubs, so I am forced to make this hand a multi-part series, unless, of course, the joint KGB/Spetsnaz operatives track me down and manage to silence me, which doesn’t seem all that likely considering that nothing has been able to silence me so far, except at the tables, where I have been muted for expressing my totally logical opinions concerning how the world’s leading intel agencies, including Mossad, have been relentlessly hounding me and developing complex schemes so I will lose free chips even though I play nearly perfectly at all times, which is sad, but such is the state of the world these days.
Edited to add: