LEXOPHILIA: A form of addiction describing those who are obsessively enamored of words, especially those set in a new framework.

A competition to see who can come up with the best “lexphillies” is held every year in an undisclosed location. this year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.

  • You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish." (This one’s old.)
  • To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
  • When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  • The batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  • A will is a dead giveaway.
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
  • Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  • A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
  • When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • When she saw her first strands of grey hair, the thought she’d dye.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:

  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

A golf course is only as strong as its weakest link.


He who farts in church sits in his own pew.


The guy who fell on to an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.



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I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

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