How to put me on tilt

Let me start a 9-seater. I need to finish high in the next 3 games to fill out my First 20 points in the Astral Ursa Major.

Now don’t sign up right away, make me wait. Get sick of waiting after you register, and leave. Make it take even longer. Let’s say 10 minutes. Finally everyone’s ready.

Now shove. Everybody shove. Oprah is telling you to look under your chair. Got two cards? Shove!

I’ll fold. I’ll fold playable hands. I’ll fold garbage that turns into a straight or a flush.

Now calm down, you survived the third orbit somehow. Not so big with the raises. I’ll catch QTs in late position, and decide to play, calling one opener who raises 4-5 BB. I’ll catch the Ten on the flop for top pair, and bet it, and won’t be surprised to get called. I’ll pick up a flush draw on the Turn, and bet again, and this time when you call I’ll know you’ve got a bigger pair than Tens in your pocket. I’ll throw away another bet on the river, missing the flush, because I’ve been itching to get into a hand, and now enough’s in that I need to win it and the only way is if you fold. You don’t fold, of course, I knew you wouldn’t, because you have AA. OK, I figured. I just wanted to see them.

Now I have less than 300 chips. I can’t play any hand that I can’t go all-in on, so I’m just looking for a pair to shove. K9s comes and it seems playable, but not a sure bet. I shove, table folds, except one player. They call, holding 34. They pair the 4, the board misses me completely, and I’m gone.

Next game, let’s get in with A8. Open up 5BB. Someone wants to raise to 720? Sure, I’ll fold. They probably beat A8. They have KK? Very good fold. Ace on the turn? I miss out on pairing my Ace and getting a big pay. Kings gets a 5000 chip pot over a pair of Jacks.

Tell you what, we’ll make up for it. Here’s KJ. You can raise this. Only two callers. It’s AJ, but you won’t know. To make it fun, let’s put 99 on the board at the flop. No action, you’re last. Think you can take it? Nope, just one caller. Maybe he’s got a 9. Better slow down. OK no action on the Turn, and you now have JJ99. This might be OK. He small bets on the river, you can call here. Oops, he’s got you outkicked by one rank.

Here, you can get AQ in early position… no, don’t raise it! Limp-raise it. Be smart! Oh too bad everyone limps. Flop 567. You like betting unpaired faces on a flush draw, why not a straight draw? No? We’ll fold to a minbet here. We want to last into the money if we can. So just fold here, no sense in playing this out. But you can see the AA on the turn-river. Now what’s the right play? Would you have gone all-in on trip Aces, Q kicker, or figure you’re already beat by some slow-play flush made by 48? Too bad you folded already, you big schmuck. But it was the right move. You limped from early, trying to check-raise, no one opened, you badly missed the flop, obvious straight, time to get out.

Alright you got 1000 now, let’s think about shoving soon, so you can go out 8th again. 9Ts is playable. Oh, too much. The flop is 456. You can do it! Bluff em! No, they guy with AT will call you, and no one will make a hand but you’ll be outkicked. Good going!