Why I haven’t had enough time to play poker lately (booo!):
I am nose-deep in helping move an elderly friend of mine from her chaotic huge family home to a small apartment in a retirement community. Her ill-health has made it urgent that she streamline her life. Since I just did this for my mother, “everyone” thought I could be of service.
I hate this role! But there’s no way out now. I think I am playing the lead because all her other friends skedaddled. I wish I had!
What do you avoid getting roped into? When do you say no to a friend?
Not just because “yes” would be inconvenient, or time consuming, or hard. None of us are islands unto ourselves. Everyone needs some help now and then. As they say, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”
Jan there are a lot of people that need help from someone. I went through this when we moved my mother-in-law into assisted leaving. I think of it as an honor they asked me. Then just get it over with.
From everything you’ve ever written that I’ve read, you just have to accept the fact that you’re a nice person. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it does make it easy to get taken advantage of. There is no shame in wanting to say no. Dedicating this to you…
The most important thing when saying no is to be clear, but not brutal. If you don’t want to do something, then you should say so clearly so that the other person cannot misinterpret it. But you can do this carefully and in a friendly manner, so that the “no” is not violated.
Justify the no - You don’t have to justify yourself, but you can justify your “no”. This makes it easier for the other to accept. Show understanding - By showing understanding for the other person’s request, every “no” already seems much softer. Say something like, “I’m sorry you’re so pressed for time, but I still can’t help you out today.”
Thanking – A nice gesture is to say thank you for the fact that the other person trusts you with the task or trusts in you With humor - In some situations, humor is a wonderful way to wrap up a “no.” Sometimes a partial no is enough - often you don’t have to say a strict “no” at all. For example, if you just don’t have time today, but wouldn’t mind doing the task tomorrow, you can say the same thing. Or maybe you’re willing to fulfill part of the request, then offer that. Make a counter-offer – It’s also possible to make a counter-suggestion - that is, maybe suggest another idea of how the person can resolve their issue. You are showing that you care about the other person, but you are also making it clear that you are not available.
I wish you every success and have fun playing poker
Many years ago I needed a ditch dug so I could run power to my garage. Since it had to be about 2 feet wide, 5 feet deep, and almost 100 feet long, I was not looking forward to the project. I hate digging.
I contacted about 30 of my friends and asked for help. Most of them said yes, but when the day came around, only 6 or 7 showed up. I told them I didn’t really need a ditch dug, but that we were going to have a party, which we did. The day was spent with good beer, good food, good music, and good friends. It was a lot of fun.
Of course, word of this got around. A few weeks later, I did the same thing, but this time I didn’t invite those who showed up the first time. Over a dozen people showed up, expecting another party.
I handed out work gloves and shovels and showed them where to dig.
I’d have been there both times! (I might have created a post on Replay Poker Forum about having to help dig a ditch before the first party, though–before I knew it was going to be a party. A girl can whine, no?)
You wouldn’t have wanted me to chip my nails, right? So protective. But the jokes on you: I am capable of chipping my nails under any circumstances, including while fanning a member of the tyrannical misogynist patriarchy who demands his grapes
ice cold, served one at a time directly into his mouth.
I do not answer a request for help from a friend with no
Even if I can’t help, ask him to give me some time to try to help him
Because friendship is a sacred relationship to me, perhaps even more than blood ties, and because I know that I too will need help someday
About 3 1/2 yrs ago, a friend of my wife and her husband who are awesome people, decided to build a barn on their lifestyle block, we turned up every weekend to help them, many of their other friends would turn up every now and then. He the decided he wanted to build his brewery there as well, and why not a bar. He put the word out to their friends. My wife and I were their for them whenever they wanted to work on it, many others said well be there, but never turned up. Now he has his brewer, an awesome rustic bar, a lounge for poker lol, we have since built a large pizza oven as well. You see, when my wife and I make a call, we never go back on our word, they are so appreciative and have offered to pay for all our help, we refused and just said…What are friends for. We spend many nights out there now tasting his brews, drinking wine, and playing poker. What more could one want.