Awesome 
I never heard that one 
1 Like
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
—Demetri Martin
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What has four legs and one arm?
.
A happy pit bull.
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A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom…
The judge asked the duck, “What is your crime?”
The duck responds, “I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”
The judge says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re free to go.”
The judge then asks the pigeon, “What is your crime?”
The pigeon responds, “I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”
The judge looks a little confused but finally says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re also free to go.”
Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, “What is your crime?”
The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says, “I’m bubbles.”
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Ahaha, ahaha 
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard ‘Jesus is watching you.’
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
‘Yes’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he’s watching you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’
8 Likes
Very funny. Thanks.
“when the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, four.
I don’t think I could eat eight.”
— yogi Berra
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What is a ghosts favorite food ?
Boo berry
From grandson Ryan 
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OMG… Too funny.
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Yo momma so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
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A ghost walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka.
The bartender says "sorry we don’t serve spirits here.
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What is Forest Gump’s password.
1Forest1
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Yo Momma – is so fat, that she can’t wear yellow or kids expect her to take them to school in the morning!
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Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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Yo Momma so fat that when she sings “it’s” over.
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Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
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