LOL!!!
Was just thinking this too! LOVING IT!
Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year’s submissions:
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
The Old Switcheroo
Last week I went to the local sports arena to take in a boxing match.
Right in the middle of the fight, a hockey game broke out.
In my younger days, I once had job with a radio station. I drove around
in my car all day and reported on helicopter traffic.
Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”…
I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of all the talk about this virus thing. Blah blah blah, yeah, I get it, now shut up.
Anyway, as a socially responsible guy, I have been wearing a mask when I go out, as they instructed us to do. For some unknown reason, people still give me dirty looks.
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk in to a bar and the barman says “Is this some kind of joke?”
I saw that one and shared it, too. 
Bill and John are talking over a pint at their local bar:
Bill said to John . “A strange thing happened at home last night.”
John inquired. “And what was that?”
Bill answered. “The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer.”
John (a curious fella by nature) asked - “And what did you tell her?”
Bill said - “I told her I was looking at cheap flights.”
John thought about it for a minute or so then asked “So what did she say about that?”
Bill answered “She said she loved me, threw me on the floor and we had the most amazing love making session. I haven’t seen passion like that since our wedding night .”
“I’ll bet that surprised you Bill” Said John
Bill sipped his pint before he replied "That it did John, that it surely did. She’s never shown the remotest interest in darts before!”
Well, I know I didn’t laugh… 
Where do naughty rainbows go?
To prism.
good lord, that was so bad i had to smile lol