Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It’s all over town.
This one goes out to whoever invented the zero.
Thanks for nothing.
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As soon as you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them.
That’s when you know they’re a keeper.
I went on a job interview for a security guard. After spending 12 hours in the waiting room…
…they hired me.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Long ago, a young boy dreamed of being a blacksmith.
And after years and years of waiting, he finally got a job as the local smith’s apprentice.
But after his first day on the job, he came home with a bandage around his mouth.
“What happened, son?” said the young man’s mother.
The young man grabbed a piece of paper and wrote:
"Apparently there’s a thing you use to pick up a hot piece of metal and it’s called a 'tong not a tongue” !
Want to know my password for everything?
Okay, it’s
HermioneThorDoryGandalf-
PikachuPalpatine.
I know it’s long, but it had to be at least six characters.
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LOL Craig; we need a laugh emoticon for several of these Jokes.
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One time I was at a bar and got so drunk, I got up to go to the bathroom and won the dance contest!
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If you remembered it, you weren’t drunk enough lol.
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Why are stars bad at staring contests?
Because they’re always blinking.
Every time I take my dog to the beach, he gets attacked by the ducks, nipping at him, only reason I think it’s happening is because he is pure bread.
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I liked my dentist so much, I gave him a little plaque.
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Where do they make average things?
The Satisfactory.
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Feeling flush? Why not buy a Full House.
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
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Walked passed the fridge earlier and thought i heard an onion singing a BeeGees song. But when I opened the fridge door it was just a chive talkin…
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