Joke of the week

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire ?

Frostbite :cold_face:

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One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says," Good morning, Ma’am, what are you doing?"

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”).

“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to write you up a ticket.”

“For reading a book?” she replies.

“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her again.

“But officer, I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to write you up a ticket and you’ll have to pay a fine.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the Game Warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he immediately departed.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece!

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:joy: :crazy_face:

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A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel… When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $250…00 for just an overnight stay - I didn’t even have breakfast!”

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate,’ and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.”

“But I didn’t use them.”

'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.“We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here.”

“But I didn’t go to any of those shows…”

“Well, we have them, and you could have.”

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.

“But Madam, this check is for only $50.00”

“That’s correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me.”

“But I didn’t!”

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

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:rofl: Good one Sharon
Pin by lois sly on When I Get Old | Old age humor, Old lady humor, Old lady cartoon

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zona 79 That 80 year old man is cool!

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excellent ty

Hahahahahaha, Rhode Island :+1:t2::joy:

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@Tiggyxxx @Goatsoup @_snowman

Ryan:

What is a snowman in the summer?

A puddle

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Hahaha

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metlted snowman

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A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

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:rofl:

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