What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire ?
Frostbite 
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One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says," Good morning, Ma’am, what are you doing?"
“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”).
“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.
“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to write you up a ticket.”
“For reading a book?” she replies.
“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her again.
“But officer, I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to write you up a ticket and you’ll have to pay a fine.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.
“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the Game Warden.
“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”
“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he immediately departed.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.
Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece!
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A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel… When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $250…00 for just an overnight stay - I didn’t even have breakfast!”
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate,’ and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them.”
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.“We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here.”
“But I didn’t go to any of those shows…”
“Well, we have them, and you could have.”
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
“But Madam, this check is for only $50.00”
“That’s correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me.”
“But I didn’t!”
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”
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Good one Sharon
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zona 79 That 80 year old man is cool!
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excellent ty
Hahahahahaha, Rhode Island 
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Hahaha
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A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
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