I once spent a week or so working with an Explosive Ordinance Disposal team. As you might guess, their humor tended to be on the grim side.
The first day, the guy in charge, an old Gunnery Sergeant, told me “Son, the object of the game is to not be there when the bomb goes off. So, if you see me running, try to keep up.”
What good, but funny, advice have you gotten?