I posted this a long time ago - perhaps it is time to resurrect this sincere suggestion:
(amended that back then I played mostly six seat tables, now it’s almost always nine seat tourneys)
Know how after you get knocked out, you get the “GOOD GAME! You finished ____” window? Doesn’t matter what place you finish, that’s the message you get.
That’s nice, I guess. Considerate. Compassionate.
But I have more realistic suggestions for that window. Since I’m playing 9 seat tables, I’ll go with my suggestions for finishes at those tables:
9th place: “Look away. We’ll just pretend this never happened.”
8th Place: ““Go all in,” you said. “It’ll be fine,” you said.”"
7th Place: “I hear checkers is fun!!”
6th Place: “Finish 6th two more times in a row and you just might be Satan! Or just in hell. Yeah, that’s probably it. I mean, if you were really SATAN, you probably would have won.”
5th Place: “Wow! Five is my favorite number! I bet you hate it, though, am I right?”
4th Place: “4th Place?? Why, that’s ALMOST like kissing your sister!”
3rd Place: “3rd Place?? That’s EXACTLY like kissing your sister!”
2nd Place: “Hey - remember that time you made it to the top two and won the whole thing? Yeah, me neither.”
1st Place: “This can’t be right. Are you sure? Shouldn’t we call someone and double check?”