This is a lighthearted thread not to be taken seriously. It’s just for fun and laughs.
Parody: an imitation of the style of a particular writer, artist, or genre with deliberate exaggeration for comic effect. Synonyms: satire, burlesque, lampoon, pastiche, caricature, takeoff, skit, imitation.
I have been playing and winning lately, so now it’s time for me to share my acquired wisdom with the public.
What is the secret of winning tournaments? Well, look no further, here it is:
1- Signing up, and playing. For example, there’s no way you can win a tournament if you don’t sign up, or if you sign up and don’t play. I find this out the hard way when I signed up and didn’t play. I didn’t win the tourney. And I didn’t win any tournament that I never signed up for.
2- Winning pots. I found out, from experience, and by playing many hands, that if you don’t win pots, it’s very possible that you won’t win the tournament. And to win pots, you have to play poker. You have to either have the best hand, or bluff, or semi-bluff, or quarter-bluff, or go all in, or raise, or call, but not fold. If you fold, you don’t win the pot. And if you don’t win pots, you don’t win the tournament.
3- Paying attention to other players. In tournaments, you are not playing alone. There are other players. And Those players are playing. And you have to pay attention on how they are playing. This comes with experience of course. Poker is a game where you don’t only read your cards, but also your opponents. You have to see what they do, if they raise, if they fold, if they call, all of this matters. You have to make decisions based on what other players do as well. This is very important and nobody knows it (or knew it before now).
Now here’s the part where I post a perfectly normal hand and make it sound like it’s something extraordinary from outer space.
The end (for now, until the next post)…
Parodial Q&A
What I should I do when I flop a flush, raise, fold, check, go all in or take a coffee break.
You fold. Because someone would have made a set on the flop, if the next card pairs out and he makes a full house.
Here is the hand.
What should I do when I misclick an all in with 3,5?
You don’t have to misclick, you can just click. Because Its likely you will pair your three or five, and win the all in even it is called with Ace.
If ur gonna make a mistake I guess that’s a good one to make…I liked the “oops”
When I hit the unlikely river straight it was based on a careful calculation of my fearsome table image, experimental mathematics and my superior ability to semi-bluff.
When you hit the unlikely river straight it makes me want to puke. You are donking and making the game less fun for the rest of us. I wish you weren’t allowed to play with serious players like me.
That said, I would be happy to help you with your game. It is likely you just don’t know how to play. This is not just a guess. I have checked, and I have a whole lot more friends than you.
In short, you are a terrible poker player and a liability to this site. You disgust me.
Please know that I am available to answer any questions you may have. I want everyone to feel welcome. See you at the tables. 
4 - Sit out. Its very important to know when to sit out, when not to. When your hand makes no connect to the flop whatsoever, and the game yo-yos between thin winners to thick, you may sit out, may even take a coffee and watch others playing. Most likely you will see you are doing better than them.
Player 1: This site is rigged.
Player 2: No it’s not!
Player 1: Yes it is. I lost 3 hands in a row so it must be rigged.
Player 2: That’s not enough data. You need at least 5 billion hands to come up with such conclusions.
Player 1: But I’ve seen it enough times to know and I’ve been playing many years, and that’s all the proof I need.
Player 2: It’s all in your head, because it’s human nature. I read it somewhere that people imagine stuff so that’s definitely what’s happening here and that’s all the proof I need.
Player 1: No way. Other players have noticed it too, and that’s all the proof I need.
Player 2: Absolutely not! A staff member assured everyone that the site is not rigged and that’s all the proof I need.
Player 1: I’m telling you there’s something wrong with the algorithm. It’s fixed. The hands are surreal.
Player 2: No way, it’s much easier for them not to manipulate it, therefore they absolutely didn’t.
Player 3: Why are you two arguing? Even if it’s manipulated, it’s the same for everyone, so it’s still fair.
Player 1: No it’s not. If it’s manipulated, it’s not fair.
Player 2: But it’s definitely not manipulated. I have all the proof and evidence needed. A staff member told me, and people imagine stuff, and random programming is easier. What more do you need?
Player 4: We need to see the algorithm. And have copies of the web design, the game design, and all programming. I don’t want to start my own site I swear. I just want evidence that this site is fair.
Player 3: But it is fair. If it’s random, it’s fair. If it’s not random, it’s still fair because it doesn’t target anyone specific. Everything is fair.
Player 1: Nothing is fair. I’m quitting this site. Or I’ll just threaten to quit and I’ll keep coming back and complaining.
Player 2: Stop imagining things! It’s your imagination! There’s an article about it.
Players 5 to 100: AAAAAAAAAAAA PLEASE STOP!
LOL good stuff Maya.
Good bye. I’m leaving.
Not Replay, just this thread.
I will not be replying anymore.
I do however, retain my right to troll just in case somebody says something stoopid that I can’t let pass.
So good bye.
I’m leaving.
…bye…
Please stay
Give it another go
Be patient
Maybe take a break and come back
But please don’t leave
Everything changes
Your luck could change
Or not…
But please stay we love you
her bum v
ROFL 
Just so you know Maya, butt means bum for us yankees and bum means…well what Ed said 
…ironic juxtaposition…
Bingo play ruins the game for everyone. I know this because I asked once, and like 2 people responded, and both agreed.
Clearly, if 100% of those who answered agreed, EVERYONE else does too, even those who play a bingo style.
Of course, they might have misread it and thought I said,“I hate banjo players, how about you?”
Absolutely not! Bingo play is a strategy and a very respectful way to play poker without annoying anyone. It should be respected and appreciated just like any other strategy. In fact bingo players are a source of chips for everyone and never ever get anyone else’s chips or get anyone busted out of a tournament.
Poker sites are the place to play bingo of course. And anyone wishing to play poker should go to a bingo site
Banjo players however, that’s a different story.
It’s been said that a gentleman is a man who can play the banjo.
…but doesn’t…
