Well done, SPG!
(Apologies in advance to Yip Harburg for destroying his lyrics and only giving readers one verse.)
Dealer, deal me a rainbow, chips piled high
As the Aces I’ve dreamed of promise the chips are nigh.
Deal no cards that will fill a straight or flush,
Just an Ace and a pair to give my bank-roll a rush.
I’ve dreamed of Kings and Aces paired,
As unrelated cards are aired,
And players check to me.
I wager it all on the flop and
My opponents all will drop
When Aces find me.
Dealer, flop me a rainbow, please be true.
Let my hand a winner be, beyond the river,
Why, oh why, can’t you?
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(With apologies to the great Buddy Holly)
“Seven-two, seven-two.
Now you know why I feel blue.
My seven, my seven-two.
Well, I fold this hand.
I fold my seven-two.”
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I dreamed a dream of hands gone by
When bets were high and hands worth calling
I dreamed, my pairs would never die
I dreamed that sets would not be stalling
Then I was young and unafraid
All-ins were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No bets uncalled, no wine untasted
But the bad beats come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your stack apart
As they turn your hopes to loss
(Mangled excerpt of [English] lyrics by Herbert Kretzmer, Les Misérables)
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The world shall end…the world will end
NOT with a Bang
but with a whimper
(t.s.eliot) ‘The waste land’
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With thanks to the great Eartha Kitt
I’m just a new modern woman with a forward way of thinking
Sophisticated, bright and up to speed on social networking,
I want a penthouse with a view, a box at Royal Ascot too,
and an old fashioned billionaire
I want a top of range Ferrari in a tasteful shade of black
and stable full of horses should I wish to take a hack,
I want a penthouse with a view and a restaurant chain or two,
and an old fashioned billionaire!
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Start with the billionaire. The rest will come naturally 
(to be sung by a very light, high tenor)
When you wish upon a flop
You really hope your set’s on top.
Any card that’s in the deck
Can come to you.
When Ace-Ace is in your hand
The Wor-ld seems at your command.
Anything your heart desires
Can come to you.
A flush of Hearts within your dream,
A full-pot bet is not extreme.
Call a bet with click of mouse;
You might get the top full house
When your cards are two.
(Geppetto may never play poker again after hearing this.)
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This was inspired by Dante’s Inferno.
Perdonami, Dante! Do remember I’m one of your most fervent admirers!
The first lines are:
In the middle of the journey of our life,
I found myself within a dark wood,
where the straight way was lost.
And here my (nonsensical) version:
In the middle of the journey of our life,
I found myself within a dark room
'cause the power went off with a boom!
I can’t describe the horror of such a moment,
when there was no light and all was silent.
I sat there terrified, I felt forlorn and full of fear
lamenting that my buddies of many a year
computer and television, fridge and phone,
had perished all at once and left me alone.
I tried to find my way through gloominess
searching in vain a torch to soothe my stress.
Then, suddenly I saw the glimmer of a light,
only at a short distance just to my right!
I touched a bottle, was I dreaming or was it true?
Oh yes, it was the great Lafite Grand Cru
my sweetie bought years before at a very expensive shop!
And I, feeling no remorse, drank it till the very last drop.
So I could wait with a smile for my mates to resurrect.
Sorry darling, that was necessity, no disrespect.
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May I have a cracker with that cheese?
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken,
There’s a pain goes on and on.
Empty seats at empty tables,
Now the poker chips are gone.
Here they talked of flops and Hold’em,
Here it was we sought the fame,
Here we sang about tomorrow but tomorrow never came.
From the table in the corner,
We could see a hand reborn,
And we rose with voices ringing,
And I can hear them now
The very bets that they have sung
Became their last communion
On this lonely piece of felt, at dawn.
Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone.
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken,
And there’s a pain goes on and on
Phantom faces at the rail,
Torn up cards upon the floor,
Empty chairs at empty tables where my friends will play no more.
Oh my friends, my friends don’t ask me
What my ALL IN bet was for
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friend will play no more.
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Unfortunately not everyone can catch it. Some people are immune LOL
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On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Twelve plastic visors
Eleven hi-viz jackets
Ten see-through aprons
Nine types of hand gel
Eight shoe protectors
Seven plastic goggles
Six sets of ear plugs
Five bars of soap!
Four hard hats
Three face masks
Two latex gloves
And a gift card for more PPE!
That really is true love folks!
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That was awesome. I have to steal this if it’s ok and send it to my daughter Katie. Happy Birthday Kate !
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Apologies to Frankie Laine…
Keep rollin’ rollin’ rollin’
Get them vaccines rollin’
Keep that roll-out movin’
Provide!
Through rain and snow and weather,
Hell bent for leather, keep all the centres well supplied.
All the things we are missin’
Good social life and kissin’
Are waiting at the end of the drive!
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I love it! Raw HIDE! You can’t possibly be old enough to remember that show from first runs, so you must’ve seen it in reruns. Great memories.
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Jack and Jill went up the hill.
They each had $1.25.
Jill came down with $2.50
You can make up your own ending….
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