Poems Updated for modern life!


#1

" I WANDERED lonely as a cloud That floats on high o’er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils (William Wordsworth)

I wandered lonely in icloud that steals my files and hides my cash, when all at once I saw a host of emails hiding in the trash.

Who can find another classic poem to update?


#2

“To be, or not to be, that is the question”… The ‘nunnery scene’ soliloquy from Hamlet.

Tubby, or not tubby, fat is the question… The ‘mirror scene’ soliloquy from whoeverit.


#3

From “The Road not Taken” by Robert Frost

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
but no attempts of self-defense:
There were two choices for that hand, and I -
I picked the one which made no sense.
I am poor now: that was the consequence.


#4

Tiny little secrets
Get buried in the dirt,
And if they were dug up,
Someone would probably get hurt,

Your private messages
Should stay on your phone,
If they ever get tweeted,
Girl, you’re on your own.


#5

how do I raise thee
I raise thee to the heights and depths my cards can reach
and if replay would just allow
I will raise you till you expire


#6

EBB would be pleased, I think. Certainly Robert would.


#7

When in the sessions of sweet, silent thought
I summon up remembrances of hands I’ve sought
And sigh the lack of pots I have bought.


#8

Aces, Aces burning bright
At the tables every night.
Games, exclusive. pots elusive,
Bingo players being abusive,
My all-ins never go a-right.
(Take THAT, Blake!)


#9

(apologies to Gershwin in advance)
(To be sung by a high soprano, slowly and sweetly.)

Poker time, and the winnin’ is easy.
Fish are jumpin’ in an’ their chips pile high.
Your daddy’s rich and your momma’s good lookin’.
Hush, little baby, don’t you cry.

(Also note that the best really applicable poker adage from Porgy & Bess is from the character Sportin’ Life: “It ain’t necessarily so.”


#10

Here’s the original:

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you’re back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
If I’d known for just one second you’d be back to bother me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive
I will survive, hey, hey

Now let’s update it :slight_smile:

When I got disconnected, I was petrified
That I would have to stay offline without you by my side
But then I upgraded my plan and I got myself a new phone
And all new apps
And I learned how to use them all
And so you’re back
On my Facebook page
I just logged in to find your poke with a new sad pic of your face
I should have changed that dumb account, I should have blocked you on my PC
If I’d known for just one second you’d be back to message me
Go on now, go, get off my wall
Just unfriend me now
'Cause you’re not welcome here at all
Weren’t you the one who tried to hack my Instagram
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d switch off my phone and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to tweet, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my apps to use
And I’ve got all your pics to lose and I’ll survive
I will survive, hey, hey


#11

Brava! Brava!


#12

“As I gaze into his liquid gold eyes
Poetry radiates from his warm soul
His lips brush mine and I soar through the skies
Passion seizes me; I loose my control”

(There’s no obscurity by Astrid Sardinas)

As I gaze with despair at my cards
Indecision radiates from my brain,
The flop is so tempting and beckons “all in”
I succumb, and again feel the pain.

(There is no true love in poker by grapevine)


#13

I am a tornado child.
“I come like a swirl of black and darken up your day;
I whip it all into my womb, lift you and your things,
carry you to where you’ve never been, and maybe,
if I feel good, I might bring you back, all warm and scared,
heart humming wild like a bird after early sudden flight.”

(Tornado Child by Kwame Dawes)

I am a bingo player.
I come like a hungry tornado and mess up your game;
I just go all in with my cards, knock you and your friends out,
make you play like you’ve never played, and maybe,
if I feel lucky, I might join you back, in another game,
braying like a wild donkey after a miracle win.

(Bingo Player by just about any bingo player)


#14

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
over all the rendez-vous in many a year I’d gone through -
my heart sunk at the thought of all the hopes that were no more.
Oh, the promises online: I’m handsome, I’m rich, I’m a man about town.
Then the encounter at the bar: they were all like Charlie Brown.
Blind dates? Nevermore!

I hope Edgar Allan Poe will forgive my impudence, and won’t send a raven tapping at my chamber door.


#15

With apologies to the late great Johnny Cash and his Folsom Prison Blues:

I’ve reached the final table,
Chip leader on my right,
I havent seen a picture card since
the start of the night.
I’m stuck on bottom stack
And time is running out,
Chip leader shows no mercy,
He knows what he’s about.

When I was just a baby,
My mama said to me,
I’m going down to bingo,
the au pair will get your tea,
always be a good girl, dont you
gamble on the net,
I wish that I had listened,
but wait, I’ve flopped a set!!


#16

I saw her today at the reception
a glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her competition…
.at her feet was her chip less fans

No, you cant always get what you want
you cant always get what you want
you cant always get what you want
but if you raise sometimes you find
they fold when you need
(humming along …my apologies to the Stones)


#17

A horse, a horse, my Kingdom for a horse

(Shakespeare, Richard 111)

A Porsche, a Porsche, my Robin Reliant for a Porsche

(Grapevine’s father)


#18

Daisy Daisy, updated

Daisy Daisy, come move in a flat with me
I need a willing bird so I can live for free,
You can bring the food and bedding,
Forget ideas of a wedding,
We can swap your Atari
For a second hand Harley
And zoom off into blue!


#19

Shall I compare thee to flopped aces full?
Both increase the pulse and make me sweat.
But then the button and the big blind call,
And make me doubt the sizing of my bet,
In hopes, there is a difference, you know,
And yet a certain similarity,
Between one driven by a pot that grows
and anticipation of a carnal tryst with thee.
Then comes the river and I catch my breath.
All comes to climax and the ‘little death’.
I rake the pot, I laugh, I joke.
Or grin inanely, have a smoke,
And ponder on the question when
will either of these chances come again?


#20

The original…

Jabberwocky, by Lewis Carrol

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand;
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Updated version…

Jaberdonk

Twas Replay, and the slithy noobs
did gyre and gamble in the pot.
All mimsy watching their YouTubes
and play without a thought.

“Beware the jabberdonk, my son,
the flops that bite, the fools who catch.
Beware the bingo bird, and shun
the frumious schemes they hatch!”

He took his hard won chips in hand;
long hating chips that were bought.
And sighing, in the pot they land,
playing odds as he was taught.

And, as in uffish thought he sat,
the Jabberdonk, without a care,
while linking pictures of his cat,
shoved allin as if to dare!

One, two! Seconds ticking off with dread,
“He can’t be made,” his voice aquiver
“Who makes that play while far ahead?
I only have to fade one river.”

And hast thou slain the Jabberdonk?
Let’s see the cards, my beamish boy.
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
“My hand held up,” he said with joy!

Twas Replay, and the slithy noobs
did gyre and gamble in the pot.
All mimsy watching their YouTubes
and play without a thought.