Recently seen on a sign at a veterinarian’s office while driving my son home from basketball practice:
"Energizer bunny arrested … charged with battery.
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Given that “pro” is the opposite of “con,” what is the opposite of progress?
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It’s wrong to think the answer is “congress”. 
We can’t answer this question because we also need to know the opposite of “gress” 
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Here’s a good gambling joke. Only my degenerate horse racing buddies laughed, everybody else looked at me waiting…
Guy goes to Vegas for a weekend and he’s getting destroyed. He’s down a few grand by late Sunday and he’s ready to go home but first he hits the buffet for something to eat. He sees his buddy and sits down with him to eat.
His friend says “How are you doing this weekend, Pete?” Pete says “Oh, man I’m getting killed. Yesterday I was 0-for-6 on college football. Today I was 0-for-4 on NFL and this afternoon I was 0-for-5 on college basketball. I think I’m down around $4500.”
Pete’s friend says “Listen, don’t worry. There are six hockey games tonight you might want to try. You could get well tonight.”
Pete says “Hockey? I don’t know anything about hockey!”
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I get it. It’s ok. I mean it’s not hilarious, but it’s a good joke
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Away from gambling, and closer to the beach, here’s a story about an encounter between the sea and the shore:
First, when the sea met the shore, it said nothing, it just waved.
The shore said disappointed: Don’t you sea that I love you?
The sea answered sarcastically: Are you shore?
The shore replied: That’s it. I won’t sand you any more messages.
The sea then said angrily: Don’t be such a beach!
You sea what I did there?
Oysters never share anything because they are shellfish, and a fish that wears a bow tie is sofishsticated.
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Maya, that was an attack on the English language! What will you say next, I wonder? That the opposite of profound is not confound, but conlost?
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my wife wanted to make love in the back seat of the car. the only thing is she wanted me to drive.
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Can I nominate this as the comment of the week. Off the chart funny… hahaha …haahahahaaha
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Thank you, all! “Curtsey”. I’m glad my nonsense made you laugh. 
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I see your point…
An electron has an anti-particle called a positron. They don’t bother to give the anti-proton a name, it’s just an anti-proton. All particles have anti-particles, except for the photon. The photon is its own anti-particle in the standard model of particle physics and all derivatives of the standard model of which I am aware.
Thus, I suggest that the opposite of “gress” is its own “anti-syllable,” just as the photon is its own anti-particle. Under these conditions, the opposite of progress would be congress, given that pro and con are opposites (which really isn’t true either; they are just opposing views rather that actual opposites)…unless you have another explanation…
Did you know that dragons sleep during the day just so that they can hunt knights? v/r Dave
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I’m scientifically convinced (as opposed to provinced)
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I heard this joke from my friend. It is a old joke which tells us how poker is played in everyday life…
There was a small time shopkeeper (STS) who used to sell daily household things. Once a big shop (BS) opened opposite to his shop. The next day STS put a board outside his shop that the cost of oil is 300 bucks. Seeing this the BS put a board outside and put the cost of oil 290.
The next day STS decrease the cost further to 270. Seeing this BS decreased it 260… this kept on going for few days.
The passing by people were noticing this and they all went to STS that you should not fight with BS since less price will not effect the BS however lower price will effect STS.
STS looks at them from top to bottom and tell them, actually he does not sell oil.
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nice to have a fun site
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In a book store:
Man says: I am looking for a book on how to win easily and fast with poker.
Clerk says: Please check the science fiction section.
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I bet you I can stop gambling
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By Robert Heinlein, no doubt. Good one.
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