Joke of the week


#21

Funny

I don’t know how to start a new joke so hope it is ok to reply with my joke.

I did stand up comedy as a hobby (to get over stage fright) and graduated from the Improve lol. Did some open mics and event in DC and PHilly. Haven’t done it for a couple of years. Here is one of my poker jokes

Yes, Poker is a predominately men’s game still. I have four advantages.
-One is, because I am a woman, some men think I really don’t know how to play.
-Another advantage, you don’t always have to have the best hand just act like it, : I was married 26 years, I am use to faking it.
-The other two are size 38D.


#22

Hysterical - forwarding it to a gazillion people!


#23

What did the dealer say to the deck of cards? I can’t deal with you anymore.


#24

new Ivanka perfume- Deplorable


#25

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office. The doctor asks, “What can i do for you today?”

The moth says, “I don’t really know where to start, everything seems to be spiraling out of control. The late spring frost took my daughter, as it took so many of my people. I loved her so much, it left a hole where my heart used to be.”

“When I woke up this morning with my arm around my wife, and realized that we have both changed so much that I no longer even know who she is. I know she doesn’t love me, and have to admit the feeling is mutual.”

“At breakfast, I looked at my son, and all I could see was myself looking back at me. He’s a coward, same as his father, and I know he will grow up to be just as weak and helpless, and I’m starting to hate him for reminding me of myself.”

“I know I should just get a gun and end it all… end my constant suffering, but I know I wouldn’t have the strength to follow through, so I guess I’m stuck in a mental prison of my own making. I just don’t know where to turn.”

The podiatrist says, “You have some real issues moth, but you should be seeing a psychiatrist. I’m a foot doctor, what made you come to me?”

The moth looks at him and says, “The light was on.”


#26

Dang but your humor and wit have been missed around here.


#28

I used to have a cute little Hampshire. But it finally died. So I got myself a New Hampsire as a Pet.


#29

There are only the kinds of players who lie when playing Poker.

1 Big Stacks

2 Short Stacks

3 Everybody else.


#30

I never lie when I play poker. I’m not lying right now either. :wink:


#31

a aussie and a yankee went on a hunting trip with me ,in the bush my bakkie broke down a long way from base,so I took out the radiator and started walking ,soon the aussie joined me with the seat ,some time later this yankee caught up with us with one of the bakkie’s doors,after a couple of miles we stopped to rest and was asked why I took the radiator so I told them to use the water inside when we get thirsty ,the aussie said he took the seat to sit down on when we get tired,when we asked the yankee about the door he said it was to turn down the window when it gets really hot.


#32

Hahahahaha, that was great !!! I love New Hampshire :+1:t2:


#33

Vic: So did you hear about the actress that tried to kill herself?
Me: No
Vic: Hard to believe someone would want to do that.
Me: Yes it is, Who was it?
Vic: Ummmm Reese something
Me: Witherspoon?
Vic: No with her knife


#34

Q: What’s the difference between playing poker for real money or just for fun?
A: _Stomach ulcers! :rage:


#35

Q: What’s the difference between a professional poker player and a pizza?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four :slight_smile:


#36

6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy


#37

is grumpy the only one happy then? :slight_smile:


#38

What a great little poem …did you write it?


#39

M P and B need lip contact to properly execute. One of those letters is a clue on how to be
a ventriloquist.


#40

A vulture boards an airplane with 2 dead raccoons; one under each wing. A flight attendant stops him to say "i’m sorry sir; You are only allowed one carrion.


#42

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”